Dear Diary #1: Grad Life

Dear Diary,

It’s officially that time of the year where the leaves are beginning to change (in some places), school is starting back up, and everyone is having to readjust their “norm”. This is my first year since the age of 3 where I’m not preparing to go back to school. I’m not buying new school clothes, packing up my belongings to head back to my university, and I’m not counting down the days until I’m back in the city that I love. It’s hard.

Somehow grad life is turning out to be worse than I thought – my email has become full of job rejections, I have begun comparing myself to others on another level, and I keep questioning what the heck I am going to do with my life. As a perfectionist who has had this ideal situation in her head since starting university of graduating, getting a job in publishing, and renting my own flat, I was really looking forward to this time. I was actually looking forward to becoming an adult. I’ve known what I wanted to do for years now, something that is so rare at my age, and I thought I knew how to achieve it. Boy has reality smacked me in the face!

Today marks 52 days of living at home. I have belongings and dreams packed away in storage in London and job applications waiting to be viewed. Every time I go onto Twitter I see another announcement of someone getting a new job. I’m happy for them, I really am, but gosh I can’t wait till the day that I get to tweet my own announcement. I feel behind, like a failure, even though the situation is really out of my hands, thanks to work visas and Brexit – which kind of makes it even worse for me. I want to be succeeding and making myself and my loved ones proud. I want to be starting my career and building my way up to make some kind of difference in the publishing world.

I’m tired of feeling like I’m not doing anything with my time and gosh I miss having a productive, creative routine. So what am I going to do? I need to pick myself up, say “yes this sucks but you’ll make it one day, don’t give up now” and keep going. Google really is your best friend when you start having what I recently heard be called a “quarter-life crisis”. If you are in any position similar to mine, you’ve probably had those late-night panic sessions where you question your degree and career choice and find yourself walking down odd online alleys trying to become whatever that career was that you once thought would be neat but never pursued. But guess what – you really aren’t helping yourself right now, honey! You don’t need another degree and thousands of dollars down the drain, you just need patience. Patience that someone will give you a chance one day and in the meantime, create whatever work you can that will show them your dedication and your ability to stand back up when things aren’t going as you hoped and planned they would.

So in the meantime, until a miracle does occur from a publishing fairy, I am making myself a list of things to stick to. These include goals, projects, and basically mantras. So to those out of you feeling the same stress and emotions that I’m currently dealing with, make your own list, but here are a few ideas to start you off:

• Become a (content) creator, whatever that means to you and your passion. For me, I am finally getting back into blogging, starting up my YouTube channel again, and researching the freelance world like crazy.
• Keep fighting. Don’t stop submitting job applications because you think the company clearly has something against you (they probably don’t so stop thinking that way!). We are currently living in a period of time where you are no longer going against just a few people for one position. Quite often, especially in the publishing industry, you are going against HUNDREDS so please stop letting yourself take every rejection personally. Now in my situation, I will have to eventually stop trying for London but until that time comes my name is going to be popping up in every submission box possible!
• Adjust your routine. This had to have been one of the hardest things about moving home for me. Living in my own flat for two years meant having my weekly plans of groceries, socialising, exploring, cooking, and waking up every single morning for a much-needed yoga session. Moving back home has meant being happy to be back with my family, as a massive homebody, and surrounded by love but it has also opened up all this free time that I have no clue what to do with. I need to stop letting myself sit on the couch for hours binge-watching The Office and start doing projects that make me excited. If I can’t get a job with my degree (right now), the least I can do is create cool content for people.

Additionally, for those of you currently applying to jobs, I recommend checking out my Stop Letting Imposter Syndrome Hold You Back post which I got a lot of fantastic feedback on. It includes 5 tips to help overcome it, to finally leave the “Imposter Club” as I like to call it and to just give yourself a better grip on this new stage of life that you’ve been launched into. Or if you don’t even know where to begin now that you have a diploma in your hand, my 5 Things to Do After Graduation Before Starting Your Career post discusses ways to keep yourself busy, your drive going, and a sweet reminder that as long as you don’t give up you’ll be okay.

I really enjoy writing these types of posts so if you have any requests be sure to let me know in the comments below or on any of my social media (linked on my sidebar). Until next time, friends!